It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
