operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
