Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is that a dick in a sweater?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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