i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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