**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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