Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
