I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
