i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think i have two assholes
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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