We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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