I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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