i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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