doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
