he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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