in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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