i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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