i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
