and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
