once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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