dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What did we do last night that was yellow?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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