I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
