yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
