well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
