Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
jump out the window naked night went bad
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