hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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