I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
