Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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