Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
