He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
