I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
