Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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