That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
