my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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