Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
