you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
