I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
