I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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