the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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