There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
