i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
