someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
