She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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