Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
