Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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