Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
