What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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