my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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