My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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