White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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