I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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