Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
