I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
