I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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