Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
