I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Alive.
So much puke
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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