I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
