I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize