great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
