you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
