You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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