I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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