I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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