I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
