no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize